I’ve spent enough time on the interwebs to realize how lucky I am compared to many Americans. It only takes being on your social platform of choice a handful of times in a week to find countless posts about people who have to choose between treatment or a roof over their heads because of high medical costs. To make matters more depressing, a great many of the same people with GoFundMe pages already have insurance.
As I mentioned, I count myself lucky. When I was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer in November 2018, there were no shortage of thoughts going through my head, but the one thing that I never needed to worry about was paying my bills. I was lucky enough to have the top team at UCLA on my side to help me tackle the most challenging thing that’s ever happened to me. Despite occasional doubt, as a man of science, I believed with the right treatments, I would make it out the other end. Not unscathed, but at least on the other end, ready to face whatever came next. Having gone through numerous bloodwork, PET/CT scan, and another colonoscopy, I feel I’m now on that ‘other side.’ These tests won’t stop for years, five to 10 to be exact, and some are as frequent as every three months. But that’s a small price to pay for being on top of my health.
So what does this have to do with former PlayStation President, Shawn Layden and countless employees at the company like Sid Shuman, Justin Massongill, and Aram Jabbari?
Going through a delicate surgery like removing a piece of your colon with a tumor that’s covering more than 75% of it is no small ordeal. Neither is recovering from having your entire core nearly destroyed where you’re unable to bend over to put on socks, let alone get out of bed. But to begin chemo in a month, before you’re even fully recovered, after needing to get a shot in your stomach for 30 nights straight to avoid blood clots, to put it mildly, sucks. But to then go through chemo for six months after that, well, that just plain-old fucking sucks.
Chemo is this terrible, soul-sucking process that drains you of any and all energy while making you experience the wildest side effects you can imagine — like extreme sensitivity to cold that results in you drinking only warm liquids, even water 🤢, and where the slightest touch of something cool sends pain shooting throughout all of your nerves — and the worst of it is knowing that you’ll be repeating it over and over again for months.
At first, I thought to myself, “Yay, I’ll be home where I can write and play games all day.” A bit like a ‘sick day’, but that soon changed. The reality was I mostly felt like absolute garbage, and my amazing wife shuttled me between the bed, the couch, and the doctor’s office. The very act of typing all this out is making me experience it all over again in my mind and feel uncomfortable, so let’s sum it up like this — chemo makes you feel trapped in your body, watching the world go by, something that’s amplified by social media as people live out their ‘best lives,’ and you’re unable to participate.
That’s all terrible and sad, but what about the PlayStation part, right? Those who know me are likely aware of my limitless ambitions, including, but not limited to, becoming Sony CEO one day. 2019 was going to be a big year for me — I had plans to write more, produce more videos, and collaborate with my favorite companies like I hadn’t before. Hell, maybe even work at one of them. Cancer took all that away from me, and instead, I only got to watch others push ahead, and each day, I felt more trapped. More behind. Unable to do anything, other than ‘exist.’
The gang at PlayStation — Sid, Justin, and Aram — changed that by doing what might be ‘simple’ and ‘easy,’ but something that many people, some who I’ve known for countless years, didn’t — listen and talk. More than anything, these guys made me feel more than a ‘cancer patient’ by allowing me to engage with them. Sometimes talking about comics, other times games, and much to their annoyance, I’m sure, business. You don’t need to be a long time reader of this site to know that I’m often far more interested in the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ than the end result, hence my deep love for talking shop.
To do that with people that I respect in a company that I adore gave me a sense of self-worth. A connection to the industry that I’m so passionate about. I felt like I mattered, outside of my immediate family, and I cannot explain how uplifting that feeling is when you’re in a dark place. So imagine how I felt when Shawn Layden, a person whom I have great admiration for, but only met a handful of times, reached out to see how I was doing. I’d never understood teen girls and their reactions towards their favorite boy bands until that moment. After pulling myself together and reading over what he had to say a dozen times to make sure it was indeed Shawn, I quickly (at sloth speed of course, because, well, chemo) went to Allegra Osati to show off my clearly now BFF.
Throughout my entire chemo process and beyond, entirely privately, Shawn has been this beacon of inspiration for me that’s made me feel worthy. To know that I, Sohrab Osati, as a human mattered and was worthy of exchanges here and there was everything. Of course, I would abuse that friendship here and there by getting his opinions on some of my writing, because, well, it’s Shawn fucking Layden. Like I’m going to pass on getting his take on work when I’m regularly armchair quarterbacking how Sony and PlayStation should work.
I remember it was around 8 or 9 pm in Berlin where we’d gone for a post-chemo family vacation that news of Shawn parting with PlayStation and stepping down as Chairman of SIE Worldwide Studios surfaced, and my heart sank. This is mostly a side tangent, but the reason I mention it is to explain why I’ve never written about that topic. It was soon revealed that Jim Ryan would take over as President and CEO of PlayStation. To this day, I’ve yet to write about the massive news (in our circles anyway), nor have I asked Shawn about it, because of the admiration I have for him. That admiration wouldn’t have allowed for me to write objectively about the regime change at PlayStation, nor have all the reasons ever been aired, leaving me in speculation land. So for those who’ve asked why I didn’t and haven’t ever covered the topic, this is why. It’s worth mentioning that I ran into Jim Ryan at CES 2020, and he, much like Shawn had many years ago, took the time to ‘talk shop’ with me, when he didn’t have to, seeing how he had no clue who I was and had likely never heard of SRN, as far as I could tell.
So why am I writing about this today? It’s because exactly a year ago today, on Valentine’s Day, is when I began my chemo, something that I wish upon no one. Unless you have cancer, in which case, please don’t try to drink it away with carrot juice and yoga. Get your ass to a doctor, live to tell the tale, and then pursue whatever it is that you want.
Valentine’s Day is a day of love, and at its core, love is about a deep connection. I love my wife. I love my family. I love, love, love my cats. And these men, Shawn Layden, Sid Shuman, Justin Massongill, and Aram Jabbari, are people that I love. They might not be aware of what they did for me, and none have certainly made it known publically, but I wanted it to be out there, that they’re so much more than you know. At the same time, I hope that in reading this, you’ll become more aware of those around you, be they in your city or on your Twitter feed. If you can, reach out, take that time, and send them a tweet or a text. You’ll be surprised by how big of an impact it can have.
In my case, it helped save my life. Maybe not in the same way that my doctors did, but their impact was just as profound, and I don’t think I would be here today, or certainly not in the same spirits or with the same vigor, if it wasn’t for them.
Thank you.